What is at the core of any successful relationship?

You’ve met and something stirred in your heart… a little fire started. This feeling has grown as you got better acquainted. You really like each other… you’re envisioning the future you could share together.

Would this fragile love born between you last? What you should pay attention to? What makes the foundation of a strong relationship?

Imagine a house on four solid pillars. If one is not strong enough the whole structure will tilt. The same applies to a relationship. There are four main pillars. They are equally important and should be equally developed. Let’s talk about them.

1st Pillar - Love

I’m not speaking about those fluffy fillings. It’s more than that. We all know the butterflies in the stomach can’t last forever. Love needs to materialize in actions that are consistent no matter the circumstances. Easy to say. Not so easy to do. Here are some questions to help you evaluate your love pillar:

• Do you feel secure in this relationship? How do you communicate that feeling of security to your partner?
• Do you feel the support of your partner? How do you offer that support?
• Do you have a sense of belonging? We all know how it is to feel rejected. Does your partner feel he/she belongs?
• In which way do you show you care? What makes you feel cared for?
• Do you feel accepted? Do you offer acceptance?

2nd Pillar - Trust

Without trust a relationship will not last and it’s not worth the time. To trust means to depend on the other. It’s a healthy dependence though. It’s an attitude with three dimensions:

First, you believe that this person is trustworthy. Second, it’s an emotional relation. You feel secure trusting this person. Third, it’s how you act or behave, when trusting. Of course, there is always a risk and love makes you even more vulnerable. But can you really build a love relationship without being willing to risk suffering?

How do you know if you trust someone? You don’t have a plan B. It’s that simple. You are willing to take the risk of being disappointed and have your dreams shattered. But only then you will know the pillar of trust is strong and the foundation of your relationship will last.

Ask yourself, how trustworthy is the person I am with? And then, am I a trustworthy person?

3rd Pillar - Respect

To respect means to know the value of the person you are with. To be able to respect others, you need to respect yourself, or know your value. If something is of value, than the care and attention we give to it are greater. For ex., a diamond worth ten thousands and a diamond worth ten million will have different degrees of security.

What is your value? What is the value of each person, created in the image of God? It’s great. You have great value and so does the person you are with. Treat each other with respect, because you are worth it and because this is an essential pillar for the success of your relationship.

How do you manifest respect? Test yourself:

• Attention - Do I meet my partner with attention?
• Gratitude - Do I show my gratitude to what he/she is and does?
• Affirmation - Do I believe in this person, affirming and encouraging her/him?
• Appreciation - How do I express my satisfaction for being part of his/her life?
• Admiration - Do I admire him/her? Do I say: “I wish I had your gifts and abilities.”?

4th Pillar - Understanding

The first three pillars depend on this one. Understanding develops with time, so give it time. You understand the other person, if you put yourself in their shoes, trying to see things through their eyes.

Intense communication is required. You won’t know someone and someone won’t know you, if you don’t open up, share, ask questions and listen. How open are you when communicating?

In conclusion, one thing in common for all these four pillars is risk. None of the above will necessarily give you a strong relationship without the ingredient of risking, becoming vulnerable.

So, the question is: are you willing to take this risk? Because of this, the decision for a meaningful and durable relationship is not an easy one. Yet, the benefits of such an intimate relationship are so much greater, that it ends up being the most important decision you make in life. Make it, also, be the best!

Because we care,

RuPersonal.com